"I Wanna Be a Cowboy," Boys Don't Cry (1986)
A song so stupid it touches the sublime
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Peak: #12 on the Hot 100
Streams: 6 million
If you’re craving a European dance song that simultaneously mocks and reveres America’s mythology, then you’ve got a robust number of options.
Most famously, there’s Rednex’ “Cotton Eye Joe,” the disco-trash spin on the old folk song that is absolutely playing at a pool bar right now. Visit a place that serves piña coladas in plastic cups with palm fronds printed on the side, and you’ll hear it within 10 minutes.
There’s also “Swamp Thing,” a techno instrumental by The Grid that’s built around banjo picking, and the The KLF’s rave anthem “Justified and Ancient,” which features Tammy Wynette. I’d argue we also can include Steps’ agreeably ludicrous “5,6,7,8,” a disco song about country line dancing.
These songs play on the so-called authenticity of American roots music, with banjos aplenty and lyrical references to cowboys and horses and Tennessee. At the same time they subvert that authenticity with computerized beats and tongue-in-cheek lyrics. It’s like Americana drag.
If you’ve spent time around “pure” country music, then these songs can be disorienting, and for some, it’s easy to dismiss them as garbage. The producer of “5,6,7,8”, for instance, recalls that country fans hated the song.
I, however, love the musical shenanigans. These songs aren’t remotely sincere — like, say, Avicii’s earnest techno-country song “Hey Brother” — and their unrepentant silliness lets them goof on the occasional self-seriousness of country artists and fans. “Cotton Eye Joe” points out that, hey, a country legend like Johnny Cash was also performing an identity. It was rooted in his real life, but by the time he became The Man In Black he was just doing a more somber version of Rednex’ rural fetishization.
And that’s great! It doesn’t diminish a serious artist to exist on a continuum that includes “Swamp Thing.” Look at Tammy Wynette: “D-I-V-O-R-C-E” is no less moving because of “Justified and Ancient.” In fact, the two hits together prove that Tammy Wynette was “real” enough to explore multiple parts of herself on record.
Besides, if a kitschy novelty song is fun, then it doesn’t matter what purists think about it anyway. Its charm becomes its own justification. This brings me to “I Wanna Be a Cowboy,” Boys Don’t Cry’s hit from 1986. It’s proof that when Europeans lampoon Americans, everybody can win.
Apparently, Boys Don’t Cry frontman Nick Richards watched several Sergio Leone/Clint Eastwood westerns the night before his band went into the studio. He was inspired to riff on cowboy culture, but he didn’t want to take it too seriously. And so we get a song about a cowboy named Ted who mostly chews on tobacco. In the second verse we meet Ted’s girlfriend (performed by Heidi Lea), who seems amazed that she’s following this dude around on a chuck wagon. “Camping on the prairie plays havoc with my hair,” she notes.
Are Ted and his girlfriend actually cowfolk, or are they just pretending to be? I can be convinced in either direction. Maybe they’re just inept out there on the range, or maybe they’re half drunk in the back of a drive-in, trying to imagine what their version of a cowboy movie would be like.
Ted’s a doofus, yet somehow he’s also cool as hell. That has much to do with the chorus, which is just Richards repeating the lines “I wanna be a cowboy, and you can be my cowgirl.” He has an infectious confidence that makes it easy to chant along with him.
And let’s not forget the music underneath this story. From the operatic backing vocalists who sing the phrase “Ted! Oh Ted!” to the random electric guitar riffs that break through the synth beat, the song sounds like one non sequitur after another. Yet that steady electronic pulse makes it all hang together. It’s well crafted enough to suggest these people who could’ve done something more sophisticated with their talents, but they chose not to. I admire that.
As the whiskey-soaked cherry on the sundae, the “I Wanna Be a Cowboy” music video stars Lenny Klimister, lead singer of the heavy metal band Motörhead. So now we have a dude who curated his own rebel persona, sending up the rebel persona of Ted the Cowboy, which was created after a British dance artist watched westerns created by an Italian director. It’s a yee-haw created by the entire world.